What’s the most important part of a Fantasy team? Your Fantasy team name.
What’s the first thing you do when Fantasy season starts? Draft prep? Nope. You login in or sign up for a league and you have to give your team a Fantasy team name. A name that can define your whole season. I’m pretty sure Will Shakespeare said, “A rose by any other name affects how it smells,” but I might be paraphrasing a little bit. That’s why Juliet didn’t date Romeo in that play.
Your competition is going to utter your Fantasy team name over and over. When they wonder aloud if you’ll be willing to trade your second baseman or some saves they say your team name. When they complain about how they’re losing to you they’ll say your team name. So how do you want to be referenced all season? By a clever, humorous name that implies your a comedic genius or by a bland, boring one? It’s going to imply either you care about the league and your team or you don’t.
How Much Do You Care About Your Fantasy Team Name?
Advanced stats are so hot right now in baseball. They help Fantasy Baseball managers find under the radar pitchers (Corey Kluber anyone?) or batters poised for a breakout season. With that in mind my friend Erick Blasco and I created our own advanced statistic to quantify the strength of a Fantasy team name. We judge everything else, why not team names? I proudly present to you: VORFN.
If you’ve guessed that VORFN stands for Value Over Replacement Fantasy Name, I either told you about the theory in person or you decoded a basic acronym. We’re trying to show how much effort you put in to your Fantasy team name. Effort is a rising tide when it comes to a Fantasy league. If you put effort in, then the next manager sees it and he puts effort into his team name, as well. This keeps going and everyone is fully invested in the season. On the other hand, if you just leave your Fantasy team name with the generic or replacement level name, something like Travis’ Team, it shows you might not really care about the league.
Need more reason? How about the fact that we’re all Fantasy sports players and we’re competitive about every aspect of our league. Everyone stares at their roster, mentally comparing it to their competition. We all compare our starting rosters to another and think ours would easily win a seven-game series because the opposing team doesn’t have the pitching strength or lineup depth.
Wait, do you not do that? Anyway…
Is that enough of an explanation on why it’s an important stat? I’m hoping by next season, Yahoo is grading your team name creativity with VORFN. They grade everything else, like your draft and your week-to-week performance. I wouldn’t even mind the over-eager Toyota promotions.
Advanced stats usually have intricate math behind them. To make life easier — ours doesn’t. Ours is based on fewer, totally arbitrary, criteria. Doesn’t that make you love VORFN even more? It’s a stat for the people!
Fantasy Team Name: VORFN
And our four variables are:
- Cultural relevance
One of the most important variables in calculating VORFN is context. If you have a history with each other, the more inside jokes and trash talking can influence a Fantasy team name. A team name that makes zero sense in one league can mean a lot more in another. Which means each league will have to do the math on their own, so I’m going to give you the formula. I don’t want to get barraged on Twitter by hundreds of people asking me to calculate their VORFN score. The math is simple so here you go:
(X1*4)+(X2*1)+(x3*4)+(X4*1)/10 = Your VORFN score
Have you accepted VORFN as the greatest, and possibly only, Fantasy team name advanced statistic? Should we have some examples? We definitely need examples.
Level One – Replacement Level (VORFN of 0 – 1)
- Travis’ Bold team
- Christine Set Your Line Up
- Spit Ball
Level Two – Starter Level (VORFN of 1 – 4)
- Double Homislide
- Mood Swings
- Multiple Scorgams
- Booze Cruz
- Broccoli Rob and Travioli
Level Three – All Star Level (VORFN of 4-6)
- Arian Foster Care
- Beauty and the Beast Mode
- Marlon Byrd to Your Mother
- Sad Trumbone
- Forte Oz to Freedom
- My Ball Zach Ertz
Level Four – Mike Trout good (VORFN of 7+)
- Well Traveled Parrot
- Breesus King of the Drews
The more original, the better your score. So if Ghostly changed it to a Pokemon reference and went with Gastly the VORFN score would go up. If the team started surging, maybe “evolve” the team name to Haunter. As you can see from the examples, VORFN is all about puns.
Welcome to VORFN, folks. From this moment on, the world of Fantasy Sports will never be the same.
Thanks again to all those who sent in Fantasy team names, and if you feel like sending more names my way to have them scored be my guest. You can find me on Twitter @TheRealTravioli. If you feel like looking for me on Instagram, you’re just going to see artsy pictures of my raw denim jeans, food and my puppy, so just stick to Twitter.
Featured Photo Credit: Silent Sensei, Flickr
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