I gave a lot of thought to what makes for the Perfect Draft Party.
Of course, that was interspersed this week with thoughts of what I would do if I won the PowerBall jackpot. And that’s when my mind put the two together.
Is what I came up with practical? I quote the old FedEx commercials–“Absolutely, Positively, Not.”
However, my vision is something to shoot for; perhaps inspire; or at least provide a framework for Fantasy. I should also say that I edited out some of the less suitable for young players elements. The picture above might give you a hint as to some of the things I had in mind. After all, the 100% perfect draft party is a Fantasy. Or if you win the Powerballl jackpot, it might not be. But it’s fun to fantasize. Here’s mine.
Perfect Draft Party
Perfect Draft Party: Location
On-line drafts might be necessary but they are the absolute worst alternative. If you’re gonna have a draft party, go somewhere fun and exciting. Of course the first place that always come to my mind prompts a little Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau:
Now, when the Raiders start playing down the street from Mandelay Bay, I’m not sure what the impact will be. But is there a better place to host a draft party than in Sin City? No, there isn’t. Sure, Honolulu is nice, but your average hula dancer doesn’t appreciate why you’d drop your hard earned money on predicting the outcomes of theoretically created teams. Vegas? They don’t just appreciate it, but welcome it. And speaking of welcomes…
Perfect Draft Party: Owner Introductions
Encourage every owner to come up with their own introduction and give them unlimited budgets. That probably requires renting out the local arena, but with an unlimited budget, who cares? Because odds are at least one of them will do something close to one of the following:
And yeah, while we’re at it you might as well hire a couple of professional announcers. But my perfect draft party has one very specific voice who will notify everyone the draft is starting.
Perfect Draft Party: Draft Opening
Tell me how awesome it would be as everyone gets seated and ready to draft and your league is privy to this:
But wait, that’s not the only celebrity we are hiring.
Perfect Draft Party: Pick Announcements
Others may have their preference. In my dream draft party, Keith Jackson announces each and every pick. Heck, I might just choose AJ McCarron just to hear Keith Jackson say “Alabama” live in person. And how cool it would be hear to Keith Jackson say after a surprising pick, “Whoa Nellie!”? I know it would slay me and and my buddies.
And while we are talking about pick reactions, wouldn’t you love to have either a NFL Network or ESPN crew on hand? Perhaps we don’t need the announcers because that might mean way too much time between picks. However, a production crew would be awesome.
They would have video all queued up and ready to go as they showed highlights of each player selected. It might overwhelm the novice owners in your league. I think I’d gulp if I saw highlights of a fifth wide receiver making a spectacular one handed grab. But that’s probably one more reason to do it!
Of course the overwhelming of the novice owners might lead to our next perfect draft party enhancement.
Perfect Draft Party: Professional Pick Heckler
Every draft has at least one. I know, I have done hundreds and hundreds of drafts. And you even see it in the experts league draft. What is it to which I am referring? There is always at least one pick that causes the other eleven owners to grin in unison as they all agree it is a HORRIBLE pick. So how cool would it be after that horrible pick if that owner heard this after his pick shows up on the Jumbotron?
That would be followed by Gottfried launching into one of his legendary roasts, absolutely lambasting that owner. Don’t tell me that isn’t perfect!
The more I think about it, I think I’m gonna load that clip into my phone and play it during my draft this weekend!
And since we are talking about roasts, why not talk about the food?
Perfect Draft Party: Menu
Wings and pizza might be standard fare, but this is my perfect draft party so I’m not sparing any expense. We are already in Vegas so there should be plenty of celebrity chefs nearby. But even if they’re not available, any professional chef worth his salt should be able to get and cook a fine lobster. Or even better, let him create an NFL-themed menu. Perhaps some buffalo steak? Or maybe some New England clam chowder? Of course many like Carolina BBQ too. Either way, make it a meal to remember.
Now, I know many might be asking about drinks. And I would encourage everyone in my league’s favorite alcohol to be served; except for mine. Let them get inebriated and make stupid picks. I prefer to be razor-sharp focused. After my picks are made I will be happy to imbibe with them. I can guarantee you it won’t be any Schmitts though…
Of course parties don’t end in a beer commercial, but the perfect parties do have to end at some point.
Perfect Draft Party: Exit
One of my favorite parts about the draft is the “post game recap.” Of course seeing the draft board on the Jumbotron in the arena you rented out will keep the results fresh in everyone’s mind. And what better time to do so and possibly start trade discussions as you pile into the Escalade stretch limo to make sure everyone gets home safe and sound. Either way, you will be talking about this draft party for years to come
Because even if you do win the Powerball jackpot, the odds of you repeating this perfect draft party are not likely.
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